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Top writer in Feminism and Parenting. Tantrika, Hands-on healer, sex-educator. Follow my personal blog on Medium @Sarenity. Say hi at https://ko-fi.com/sarene

Coming out comes in all shapes and sizes

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I’ve tried to write this “About Me” entry many times. After all, I love reading them. I love that Medium is a social network for over-sharers, a place where sharing the life-experience that shaped one’s perspective is the rule, not the exception.

I love over-sharing on Medium.

I find the blend of anonymity and familiarity, along side the bonus boosts of possible “fame” and “fortune” to be intoxicatingly motivating. When I am inside a story I am writing on the platform, I do not feel shy. …


It’s about ownership and freedom

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I had identified as poly for about five years when the most unexpected thing happened; I met the love of my life. Blood pumping with love chemicals, for months on end, I wanted nothing more than to be with only him, to touch him, taste him, smell him, feel him near me. From the very depths of my being, I wanted to shout, “Be mine!” He was not my only active relationship, but if I was being honest, I had to admit that I wanted only him.

But, here is the thing…it is not just…


Don’t let your assumptions be the death of you

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I want to tell you a secret…

Anything is possible. It is. Really.

In this world where change is the only constant, anything is possible.

Of all of the possible iterations, twists and turns, life-changing opportunities, and grand disasters, the only thing you can count on for sure in this life is that tomorrow, something is going to be different than it is today.

Change is the only constant.

It is life’s best and worst news.

If change is the only constant, best we learn to make the most of it. The fact that change is the only constant here on planet earth means that you are never, ever stuck right where…


Even if your good feminist upbringing taught you otherwise.

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I was born in 1978 in California. My grandmother was a feminist. She raised my mother. That means that I was born knowing that I could do everything a man can do. Full stop. I knew that I could learn any skill, be admitted to any university, pursue any career path. And, I did. A child of the 70s, I reaped the rewards of feminism’s first and second waves. I found all doors open to me.

I am so lucky.

In college, a professor asked me to write an analysis of a text he had assigned from the woman’s perspective…


Thank you, Medium for finally trusting writers to be your partners

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Good partnership is always based on trust.

In love and work alike, if you can’t lean on your mate, knowing they will be there for you when you’re down, then you can be sure that the relationship has an expiration date.

Throughout 2020, Medium lost my trust.

It wasn’t just the iterations that rolled out one after the next without warning or the freeze on writer’s earnings in the form of plummeting views over the last six months, but it was all so erratic. I might have been able to forgive Medium for messing with its back end in ways that impacted…


How has pandemic changed you? What did you shed? What did you become?”

Photo via Michelle Leman on Pexels

Part I

I’ve been a shitty girlfriend of late.

It’s not that I don’t smile when I get her texts, or that I don’t miss her sometimes, because I do. I just can’t seem to show up in the ways that I wish I could…

It’s been coming on for awhile now…

Our first year together was amazing, a dream really. There were days on end that she was all I could think about. I was happiest when we were together, my fingers dancing ever so delicately across her…


How to go the distance for your lover

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When we think of sex, we want to be thinking of pleasure. After all, Mother Nature designed sex to feel incredibly good while we’re doing it, and even better in the hours that follow, when our bodies are flooded with a cascade of feel-good hormones.

In truth, sex is a splendid mix of pleasure and pain.

The BDSM world embraces pain as a stimulant, and sadly, research shows that 1 in 10 women find sex painful.²

Sex need not be painful and should not be painful if you don’t want it to be. …


Three un-truths it’s time we forget

Photo by Iryna Sydorenko on Unsplash

The Most Important Lessons Series

Most Important Lessons is a series of ten letters to my teenage daughter. When she was one year old, I helped her learn to walk and talk. Now, these lessons on healthy sexuality are the most important I can teach her. In this one, I tackle periods and the pesky idea that women are somehow the second sex.

At its heart, this is a letter about shame. It is a shame fueled by three great lies. Without them, we would awaken to realize that there is no greater blessing than being born a woman.

Dear Eve,

Sitting amongst a circle…


Celebrating Medium’s $500 bonus!

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Kudos to Medium for investing in1,000 writers in April, boosting our monthly earnings by $500. May it be the first step in a new ethos of partnership between Medium corporate and its hard-working freelance writers.

When it comes to 21st-century technologies, I suspect that hindsight will demonstrate that Medium, alongside biggies like YouTube and Twitter, is a winner when it comes to applying the insights of what is known as “persuasive technology.”

What Is Persuasive Technology?

Based on the theories of Behavioral Researcher BJ Foggs, Persuasive Technology, recently rebranded “Behavioral Design,” has arguably been the most impactful idea of the…


May is National Masturbation Month

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

There are so many unexpected benefits of being an active Medium user. Were it not for this community, I would never have known that May is National Masturbation Month. Even better, when learning about the existence of National Masturbation Month and having the reaction, “C’mon?! Who made that up?!” Medium offered up this excellent reporting by Kiki Wellington on the topic. It’s about activism, folks! Give it a read.

To be good citizens, this is not a “National Month of…” that we want to miss.

Every great sex writer on Medium has published her own…

Sarene B. Arias

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