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Tantrika, hands-on healer, sex educator. Weekly titillating wisdom to your inbox at Contact and services at

May is National Masturbation Month

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There are so many unexpected benefits of being an active Medium user. Were it not for this community, I would never have known that May is National Masturbation Month. Even better, when learning about the existence of National Masturbation Month and having the reaction, “C’mon?! Who made that up?!” Medium offered up this excellent reporting by Kiki Wellington on the topic. It’s about activism, folks! Give it a read.

To be good citizens, this is not a “National Month of…” that we want to miss.

Every great sex writer on Medium has published her own…

Well, I mean it...

You know, I made this sweet little survey to get to know my Substack subscribers better and for fun, published it on here today. (It's about sex...) All day, men have been filling it out, and so far 50% of those who have rated their level of satisfaction with their partnered sex lives in the toilet and identified reading our writing as the ray of light that is helping them to feel that they're growing sexually. I didn't list anything remotely like "reading work on Medium" as an option. They entered it as free text.


But, it was still too late to save my marriage

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Even though he ruled my every move for months, I only met my Dom one time in the flesh. We never slept together. Instead, he begged that we run away together. When I refused, we began my own initiation as a Domme. While it is not a title I now use, my months under his tutelage transformed how I see the world and all relationships.

Ours was not a model Dom/sub relationship and not one I recommend. It was shrouded in lies, a tangled web whose unraveling sent us both…

Does that make me a bad mom? I don’t think so.

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Years ago, I used to run emotional support groups for teenage girls. The program is faith-based and is designed to offer the girls access to a mentor who is not their parent, who can help them to navigate the ebbs and flows of teenage life.

I loved the work.

Month after month, as our groups would come together, girls would open their hearts, sharing their hopes and their fears, their certainty that they were not good enough, that everyone was always watching, but that despite it all, there was a uniqueness in them if the world would only stop to…

10 tips for limitless pleasure

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cunnilingus[ kuhn-l-ing-guhs ]

(n) the act or practice of orally stimulating the female genitals.

The vagina has no better friend than a soft, warm tongue. Like the vagina, the tongue is wet and wanting, and it is designed to savor the vagina’s pungent goodness. While settling into cunnilingus can be intimidating, doing so is a gift to you and your lover.

Women’s bodies are designed to experience limitless pleasure. When you invite her to lay back and relax, offering to love her up in the way she deserves, her body can offer you both hours of relaxation and…

Leveraging desire in new relationships

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As a passionate woman who is a profound lover of men, it can feel like different drives motivate our respective cravings for sex. For me, even on one-night stands, sex falls into the category of love. It’s about union, even if fleeting. I’m a spiritual person. For me, good sex is a taste of a plane of existence where we lonely humans can feel that we are all interconnected.

As you might expect, when I speak to my male friends and lovers (and some non-male ones too), my lofty cravings sound like Greek to them. “Good sex is hot!” they…

Time to hunker down. It’s getting bumpy around here.

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It’s a wonky time to be writing on Medium these days. Though things are improving, for the last several months, the Medium algorithm was serving up more frustration than satisfaction for readers and writers alike.

In poetic 21st century fashion, the digital havoc made headlines last month when reportedly, a partnerships manager at Medium was sharing his screen with the White House while logged into the @POTUS Medium account, as the account home page was populated by a scintillating selection of Medium erotica.

Casey Newton, columnist at the Verge, summarized the…

Here are 5 practices I’m taking on to bring back the love

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As the buds of spring began to replace the chill of winter, I made my best decision yet in my short Medium career. I took the month of March off of the platform. Did you miss me? I missed you!

Though I had read the writing on the wall, Ev’s concerning March 24 “Editorial Team Update” validated my analysis. Medium is in a state of upheaval and writers are paying the price. …

How are the coders not blogging about all of this?! I am dying to hear first hand accounts from the poor programmers working to charm the wiley Medium algorithm beast.

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